So I ventured out on Thanksgiving Day, before the parade was over, on a quest for the mystical and elusive Earth Balance buttery spread. I located it in the nearest big box store and was anointed with the foul breath of the self check out attendant when I asked for help. For the record, I'm not stupid. I just don't shop in that store and I was not sure which payment selection to make when using a gift card. The attendant helped me and was actually very nice, but let me take this opportunity to say that oral hygiene is very important. Aaaaanyway, I made it out alive with the butter.
Well, cooking began around noon. Middle Sister and I were rocking around the kitchen making two versions of carrot souffle, turkey balls/tofurkey, and roasted veggies. And then it began. My sister was doing the responsible thing and washing the blender. This is not just any blender, oh no. I has three tiers of blades. Angry, vengeful blades of DEATH! She attempted to clean the blades of death and paid the price. And thus we had the first incident. Incident two, followed closely. My sister was preparing to make turkey balls. What are turkey balls? Well, I'll tell you. Basically they are stuffing, cranberries and ground turkey mixed together. She cut into the first package of ground turkey and heard pshhh. Not a good sign. "This doesn't smell right. Here, smell this." Now I haven't eaten meat since Thanksgiving 2 years ago so I had some doubts about my ability to judge whether or not it is spoiled, but I gave it a go. Gack! "It smells like eggs." Time to bring Dad in to consult. Dad says, "Open another one." Ok. Pshhhh. Sulfur smelling turkey tube numero dos. Well, I didn't think many would be satisfied with only tofurky at this little soiree so off she went to the above mentioned big box store to find more meat.
Meanwhile, Dad chucks the spoiled meat over the back fence. Yeah, we are country people and that's what we do. The cooking continued with new, non-egg-smelling turkey. And then . . . I saw them. THERE ARE BUZZARDS IN THE BACK YARD! That's right, birds of prey preying on rancid ground turkey. We've had some pretty interesting happenings during the holidays, but never buzzards. Leave it to my family.
Everything else went pretty smoothly...except the ripping off of a perfectly good toenail, but I'll leave that for another time.
Happy Thanksgiving, y'all!
